In December 2007, we went inactive as foster parents to pursue a private domestic adoption. In early December, we received an e-mail from some friends about a 10-month old girl that a local agency was actively pursuing a home for. We immediately scheduled a meeting to learn more. Throughout December we worked on the pre-application materials. We spent January working on the actual application materials and raising support. I wasn't too keen on raising support at first, but here were the hard facts: We really wanted to adopt this little girl and we had just begun looking when we found out about her and had no savings for this. So if we were going to adopt her, we were either going to go into debt or raise support. Read more
We decided to raise support over taking on the debt. I was afraid people would say, "It's not our responsibility to pay for your adoption. If you can't afford it, don't do it." I was afraid of looking needy. Nevertheless, we prayed and felt God's prompting to move forward this way.
Life Song for Orphans awarded us a $1,500 matching grant. If we raised $1,500, they would contribute $1,500 to our adoption expenses. We wrote support letters and the finances were raised in two weeks. Friends e-mailed us, called us, prayed for us, and sent us gift cards and checks to help pay for all the ambiguous extras that come with having another child. We were utterly humbled. Our agency also awarded us a $2,000 scholarship, which would ultimately alleviate all the legal expenses come finalization time. I learned experientially, and for the first time, that nothing is hard for God.
The first couple of days of transition were awkward. We were finally interacting with our daughter after all these months of only seeing pictures. We visited her at her foster mother's house. Foster mom had cared for her since she was three days old and had grown incredibly attached — which is good. It was strange playing with Gracie at Foster Mom's house — definitely a lot of unspoken tension.
Over the next two weeks, we spent increasing amounts of time with Gracie until, on Saturday, March 15, 2008, she came home forever!
We had a small ceremony at the agency for Gracie's official transition into our family. I read a letter to Foster Mom and Foster Brother, letting them know of our gratitude and desire to remain connected. We took some pictures, hugged some awkward hugs and loaded up the SUV with enough clothes and toys to outfit a small day care. It was evident, while in foster care, Gracie had wanted for nothing.
Literally driving off into the sunset, Kristin later wrote that she was thinking about how deep God's grace is to us. To say it was amazing would be an understatement. Our time of waiting for our daughter was finally over. It was a beautiful moment. She basked in it, sobered by the knowledge that our joy here was someone else's grief. It was beautiful, but messy. We came home and had a celebration with Kristin's parents and Jaimes (our 4 year old biological daughter). We ate some Sara Lee Cheesecake since we hadn't had time to actually bake something.
We finalized Gracie's adoption on Friday, Sept. 19, six months after placement. I had anticipated it feeling like more of a formality than something really special. It was really special.
I was nervous walking into the courtroom -- the same kind of nervous as when I walked into the operating room when Jaimes was born. When our attorney asked me, under oath, if I understood that by adopting Sevyn Grace from this day forward she would be ours as if she was born to us, I got the same dizzy feeling I did when the doctor held Jaimes up for me to see for the first time.
I'm not comparing the kids, by the way. I'm comparing my experiences with new fatherhood. Finalization brought a feeling of newness and permanency to my relationship with Gracie that I hadn't realized was missing. In a lot of ways, that's been our experience through foster care and adoption. The things we thought would hold so much weight were special, but left us wanting. It's the things we did not expect and the moments we never could have anticipated or that we possibly even feared that have made this journey beautiful.
When we were married in 1992 we started off living our lives as many young couples do — as if we were in complete control. As the years passed we remained involved in church, we had a solid marriage, both of us had good jobs and we were blessed with a young daughter (Hannah) and a second child on the way. But on February 19, 1999 our son, Troy Carlin, was stillborn, and everything changed. We were devastated and broken, and yet in the midst of our brokenness and grief God began to shift our focus. He created an urgency within us to focus on the things that truly matter most to Him. Read more
After our second daughter (Mia) was born we began to explore how we might serve together as a family, specifically by loving and caring for orphans and vulnerable children. Eventually God led us to Zambia, Africa, and through short-term mission trips our entire family was able to serve the children of Zambia and show them God's love.
Our family's first mission experience in Zambia tremendously impacted our lives. We immediately fell in love with the country and its people — and the children absolutely stole our hearts! We found ourselves asking how it was that our children, by no doing of their own, ended up in a family who could provide them with the basics such as food, shelter and love. As we struggled with questions such as these we began to see the Zambian children as we saw our own children, and God began to stir our hearts to adopt one of these precious children.
At that time, much like now, international adoptions from Zambia were relatively uncommon except in the few cases where families were willing and able to satisfy the one year in-country residency requirement. In fact, as we began to inquire of locals and government officials we were told in no uncertain terms that adopting a Zambian orphan would be "impossible" for us. Yet God continued to incline our hearts even more toward adopting from Zambia.
It seems that God is continually inviting our family to join Him in unchartered territories. As we continued to pursue the uncertain path of adopting from Zambia we quickly discovered that there was no clearly laid out process to follow. There was no well defined series of steps, no long list of families that had gone before us and cleared the way and certainly no adoption agency to guide us through the process. As a result, we resorted to following what little we knew about how independent international adoptions worked in other countries such as Russia. We also connected with a wonderful woman from Chicago who had adopted from Zambia in the past and was able to explain some of the details. Each step along this path was dimly lit and we had little choice but to "walk by faith and not by sight."
As our family left for Zambia to pursue adoption our objectives for the trip were simple — to begin working with the Zambian Department of Social Welfare and the U.S. Embassy to start the adoption process and, more importantly, to see if we could connect with a child in need of the love we had to offer. In a country with over a million orphans we assumed this would not be a very difficult task. However, as in many African countries, most of Zambia's orphans are not legally free to be adopted or do not have the necessary documentation to allow them to be adopted. This represented an additional challenge to overcome as we pursued God's call to adopt, and soon the frustration mounted. Nearing despair I recall writing home one night that "out of a country of one million orphans there is not one for us to adopt and welcome into our family."
The next day, as the doubts began to creep in, I went to visit an orphanage called House of Moses. There I began to hold the babies and as I held one little baby boy I felt my heart begin to stir. I know it sounds crazy, but I can honestly say that as I held him I knew in my heart that he was the one we were there for. I immediately asked the orphanage workers about him and they told me his name was Moses and that he was legally free and eligible for adoption — that is if we could convince the government officials to allow us to adopt him.
Shane and I began to work closely with the Zambian government and the U.S. Embassy. Each step forward God continued to provide and open the doors. After six exhausting weeks in Zambia and an endless series of miraculous events, we obtained the approval of the Zambian government and the U.S. Embassy to bring Moses home, where we fostered him for six months before completing his adoption here in the United States.
I am amazed at how incredible it is to welcome a child into your heart and life through adoption. I find it hard to put into words all that God has done in our lives and all that we have experienced as we have walked this journey of faith. Having been adopted as an infant myself, I understand the joy of adoption from the perspective of an adoptee; adopting Moses has allowed me to experience the fullness of adoption as an adoptive parent. What a rich blessing! Our family's journey has caused me to truly realize God's heart for adoption — and all that encompasses.
Even now with Moses securely part of our family, our draw to Zambia continues to grow. We have the privilege of sponsoring the very crib that Moses once slept in at the orphanage. We receive periodic updates on each child that resides in his crib, and one day we look forward to sharing the stories of these children with Moses as a way to help him understand the legacy that God is crafting in and through our family's story.
Now things have come full circle for our family. In October our family will be returning to Zambia to work full-time caring for orphans. In partnership with The Village Church we will be helping to lead programs that serve thousands of children per year through discipleship, meeting basic needs (such as food, shelter and healthcare) and education.
As we embark on this latest adventure and return to the country of Moses' birth we feel in some ways that we are returning 'home.' We still do not know exactly what lies ahead, but we have continually experienced God's faithfulness and provision and we know that, as His children, He will hold us close. Shane and I are convinced that we are called to Zambia to serve the children there. We have been blessed beyond belief along this journey and we are grateful for the opportunity to return the blessing.
If you desire further information and are unable to find it on this page, use our online contact form and select "Foster and Adoption (FAM)" from the category drop-down menu. An e-mail will be sent to the ministry leader who can answer your question(s). You may also e-mail Matt and Kristin Donovan or call them at (972) 900-3960.
